High

It gets u closed to your emotional self.

You live your life running from realities. Drowning in the quagmire of FB, net, news... work... unreal.. madeup.. plastic...

And then it gets u closer to what you wanted. What you wanted to be. What you are. What was lost. What you are still losing.


Its crazy romantic silly emotional funny teary all at the same time.







Makes you wonder if goals are everything. If people are everything. If friends mean anything...

Its selfishness... narrow self importance.... emptiness..


its a romance.

My life story.

"Unable to excel, I tried to affect a kind of louche, bohemian indifference to "the system"; but I was never cut out to be a decadent either, and only succeeded in making the leap from quietly anonymous to ostentatiously pitiable.  " - anon user about his life experiences on Quora.

My life story. Except that from being  ostentatiously pitiable i slouched myself in to being quietly anonymous... and then in to a nobody without interests or ambition..

democracy-kleptocracy

I read somewhere long back that the society cycles in a chain of systems from monarchy to oligarchy to democracy to autocracy (not in any order). It cycles not because of the deficiencies of the system, but deficiency of humans. We fuck the system up. Like a child running for the toys, we run from one system to other through ages and then at the end fuck the system we adopt and we keep goin round n round, without improving us! (I beleive that's one of the reasons scriptures and all the wisdom of the world highlights to the importance of morality)

To get to the point, i often find myself in this mental quagmire, this hopelessness of living in this kleptocratic, this corrupt, this sick system, where everyone loots.From MP's to MLA's to corporators to office bosses.. just everyone. Every other day, the news of these neta's looting by the thousand of crores just makes me wonder, am i the biggest loser trying to save up on those 100 rupee notes here and there, justifying to myself to use of money as a utility and not as an enabler of easy. Neta's building palaces, corrupt colluding corporate's and their loser progeny enjoying the silver spoon. These reservationist babu kids living an insured-overprotected life from birth to pension of their sarkari job's in their accounts till their last breath. And i just feel sick thinking about those maoists, fighting these crooked neta's day light banditry on their land, their resources.  And i see just how, there's no escape. No transition to communism or oligarchy or autocracy could ever save us. Without morals, nothing works. And hopelessness pushes in to depression, on my own lack of morality. What about my own discipline? my own righteousness? Who am i accusing? 

I don't know what to make of it. I kind of cycle in emotions of chauvinistic-love and despondent-hate. I read of army and ideals and morals only to discover how corrupt army is. How hollow ideals become in face of human depravity. And weakness of morality, something that is just so easy to transcend in to the doom of hubris. Something we (i) do for a fickle! 

Slick

I have never pulled off somethin so slick.. like ever in my life. Ever.


It was stupid. It was foolish. It burned my hard earned money.
Yet through a slick move, i just recovered whatever i could, from a near lost investment.
Bloddy hell! i feel confident every living hour since ive pulled it off.

If ever something positive come out of it... i will make the post public of what it was, which is not at this point of time.

May the prayers be answered. Amen.

orchard road

So there i was, in Singapore, on Orchard road. The prim and proper, uber cool, ulta expensive, high end road of the rich. Mall after Malls selling ONLY designer labels. No place for even a decent high end brand. No Nike shoes. No Louis Philippe shirts. No Giordano. No sir.Nothing to shop (well i did want to buy some watches, lest i had a few hundred thousand $'s to spare :P ). I was alone. Bored. and pretty much out of ideas. I dont do this often (okay, sometimes i do), but i ended up following people here and there.


Saw a lot of things today. An arab man of 50's may be 60's walking around (flauting?) his wife of 20's. Followed him(her?) around for some time as they hopped from one designer label to another. Then i stalked a Punjabi family. Aunty ji , Uncle ji and Bahu rani (:P). I know she was the bahu, for i had seen the entire family of five last evening at the skypark, Marina Bay Sands. That time they were wondering how they could go up to the pool area (reserved only for bay sands guests), with their 20$ tickets.


Aunty ji: "Assi udhar kyun ji jande.. kaafi vadiya dikh rya sii~"


They were probably the proverbial delhi/punjabi rich, but i guess, owing up some designer labels was proving too much for them. They ended up in some coffee store, sipping. I left em.
Discovered then, this amazing amazing CD shop. So kitsch, so upmarket and yet so accessible and open. "That CD shop". Loved the music, whateve they were playing. Found a swiss chocolate store. Bought some Swiss chocolates, the only thing affordable i could find.


Legs were tired, yet i wandered on. Following this awesome looking chink aunty. That aunty was rich! i tell you. I could literally smell the brands. Miu-miu clutch. Some awesome perfume. And a man, who did NOT look like her frnd/relative carrying all the bags. She reached the door and there came the chauffeur with her Jaguar (nice choice). She left. So did i.
Little India i went. Hopping at little India and shopping at Mustafa. A delectable north Indian dinner ensued.