loneliest day of my life

before even you start reading it lemme just tell you that what follows is plain cribbing...

ok! if you dont wanna read it.. doesn matter... you don have any reasons to read some stupid cribbing in a stupid reject's blog...

*****

it just keeps ringing in my head... how?

nearly answered every other question in the interview... spoke with confidence... gd round was kinda good... cleared the written...

In fact it was i who was thinking throughout the day that an interview can never so easy and so "clear-able"...

it just keeps ringing in my head... why? how can they reject me?

donno... may be am just jinxed or not at all talented in any sense...

in classes in viva's in practical... why is it just me being singled out???

looking at the list of people... the kind of ppl... who could get through, while i could not... i could only bow my head in shame... shame at my own plight.. my inefficacy...

am just plain useless... :'(

am really sad. its the loneliest day of my life... :'(

regular jobless chat... nothing spl

Siddhant Goel: :)

Siddhant: makemytrip?

me: make your trip? why?

go make your own trip

!!!

Siddhant: local boy

me:

Siddhant:

apply kar rha hai?

me: dekh tera to kahin ho bhee jayega tera cv itna mast hai

Siddhant: nhi ho rha na kahi bhi

me: mera kahi nahi hoga mujhe har jageh apply karna padta hai

Siddhant: everyone is rejecting me

me: lol

you can never beat me... or match me

am the

Siddhant:

me: REJECTION KING!

you applying

Siddhant: maybe yes

me: arre!

hadd hai

wait a sec

Siddhant: i can manage one more rejection

kya hua

me: can you imagine yourself working as a travel agent?

Siddhant:

everyone there is not a travel agent

they have software guys in there

me: someone is

a travel agent there

you could be one

or ened up being one

*end

Siddhant: if they tell me that i'll end up being a travel agent, i'll slap them in the hr round

me:

guess what?

THEY WONT TELL YOU THAT! nd you might just end up being a travel agent even before you relize

Siddhant: nope

me:

lol

Siddhant: i have a senior working in there

he hasn't been told to be a travel agent yet

Sent at 1:15 PM on Saturday

me: lol

watch out baby

Siddhant: awww ok

me: the life of a travel agent... kahan abhi you are a google guy... kal pata nahi "agent bhaiya" ban gya to...

Siddhant: abe chal

me: yaani you might end up programming ppls trip abroad... or on honeymoon trips.... rofl!!!!

Siddhant: ooh

amazing idea

Sent at 1:18 PM on Saturday

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:)

Two rejections in a day! uffff!

(nope! not the gal's... just two companies which came for recruitment)

anyways... companies are just companies... ek jaati hai to dusri aati hai...

life's has become really hectic these days(since last 6 months). Companies. Gaming. CAT. and what not... Still i donno wht else to write about..

TWO REJECTIONS....

i can handle more.

come one.. come all... ill give my best... wont give up!

I cheat, I steal and I lie : the not guilty perspective

I do. And I accept it as is. I can see it while I do it. And ignore it while I reflect upon the same. And may be that’s what makes me human. I've indulged in these ever since I can recall. I do it on a day to day basis and I don’t see myself quitting in any foreseeable near future.

I stole an ice-cream today from the canteen along with the ones I paid for. It’s despicable an act, considering the fact that am educated and have means enough to buy one of those every other day . I feel guilty in a strange way today. Not cause I stole an ice-cream. Its cause I stole "only one" ice-cream. Must have cleared the whole store.

I lied when I said I did not have a pen-drive when I had one, when an acquaintance of mine asked me for it.

I cheat myself on a daily basis when I say I will be a better man. No stealing- no lying-no cheating. That’s not me. I thrive on it.

Am I bad enough. No I don’t see it. I see people equally corrupt if not more. Cheating... stealing and lying...

Discussing on the same table social issues plaguing the most destitute of our country, where millions live in penury and without food we spend our "100 buck - baldies" eating useless junk. Vituperating against the same system we are part of without doing anything to correct it, we have lost all morality to say anything. Each one of us indulges in it.

But that’s how it is. That’s how things work. Am just being odd enough to be shamelessly open while doing it and admitting. Am just idiot enough to do it to please people. Am just myopic enough in stealing "one", while I could have devised some way to clear the whole everything. I was not selfish enough today. That’s where my fault lies. Improvement . Am crude in my practice. I must be polished enough not get noticed. I must be remorseless enough not to feel the guilt. And fake enough to castigate any and everybody under the sun who cheats, steals or lies.

I cheat. I steal and I lie. And I WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT.

Vanilla Sky

Have you ever dreamt of reliving your life... going back a few years and making "amends"... may be just bending things the way you wanted them to turn out...

I never thought i would even think on those terms... never. i always thought life was good as is. good or bad, i never thought life must have been any different than the way it was...

As i write this i still don't disagree with what i said in last sentence. This is life. Life is living, not dreaming.

But tonight i dreamt, i dreamt how i thought i could make changes... twist the story and to bend it the way i could... and i tried to relive those moments in the ephemerality of my thoughts... Just before i decided to write about the Silly dreams..

The first thoughts were a sudden realization. oh F^^^! ive grown old... college... ive lived it all... though still in college but yeah... that childhood is gone... the school is gone, never to be back. That innocence is lost.

i could hav done things better. i could hav had asked aniruddh to just gimme a contact number or an address... he was my best freind back in Kolkata. May be my first true freind.... a wing man... a chess buddy! I miss him. And all the matches we had against each other and against amitendra and mukherjee. I just let him go... slip right in front of my eyes... i donno... i din even bid him a good bye properly. Man! i regret that to this day! lol wish i could hav said depanjana a hello! :P

Wish i could relive Kolkata all over again... the two years... again and again... that was schoollife at its prime. it was just so cool! and i remember the day dad broke the news that he had been transferred. Awww! that was pain.. i couldnt grasp that i will be loosing all my hard earned freinds all over again.

And and... how can i forget that i was caught cheating in my sanskrit exam back in hyderabad! lol... that was crazy! lol... But that was for good... i made me never cheat in exams again.

25-04-07.... wish i could have changed that!... Or may be it just had not happened... My life now and everything in it would hav been different. but its not.

These are all just dreams...