"I love you
I hate you
I can live without you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you. "
aah! i never thought the lines of any song could be so true.
aah!
i must learn hate!
i hate you!
Monday, February 25, 2008
THE FOUNTAINHEAD
Ive read some novels, few novellas and myriad stories. Many of them interesting , quite a few were boring. But "The Fountainhead" happens to be something I've never been through. Its not free flowing like a Sydney, its not that interesting like a Dan Brown and it certainly does not have any captivating plot like one of the Frederick forsyth's and yet it baffles me no limits that its "un-putdownable". Its addictive, its dangerous!
The whole character sketch of the male lead of the story, Howard Roark, as an idiosyncratic zealot, committed only to his freewill of being an unbound architect leaves you in awe. The character starts to haunt you. At least am feeling the brunt of being with him for last 268 pages. I mean I go about doing my jobs and every now and then, I reflect back and wonder as to how Roark would have handled that, and it just leaves me ashamed that I had not done it to the point of perfection Roark would have had put in it.
You even start to look out for that "Dominique Francon" of your life.
The brutality of idealism is really shocking if not convincing.
Never been through such stuff , and its seducing me in to its magic. And am loving it!
And may be that’s why they say it’s a masterpiece.
Satan save me from the next 400 pages.
The whole character sketch of the male lead of the story, Howard Roark, as an idiosyncratic zealot, committed only to his freewill of being an unbound architect leaves you in awe. The character starts to haunt you. At least am feeling the brunt of being with him for last 268 pages. I mean I go about doing my jobs and every now and then, I reflect back and wonder as to how Roark would have handled that, and it just leaves me ashamed that I had not done it to the point of perfection Roark would have had put in it.
You even start to look out for that "Dominique Francon" of your life.
The brutality of idealism is really shocking if not convincing.
Never been through such stuff , and its seducing me in to its magic. And am loving it!
And may be that’s why they say it’s a masterpiece.
Satan save me from the next 400 pages.
Friday, February 15, 2008
vengenace... the path of satan...
This is to document the pain that am feeling. I can feel that frustration, a slight dizziness , ears feel hot. Heart seems to be burning. It’s a sense to do something, hurt someone or myself. Mind is screaming for a shot of intoxicant. Still the consciousness of mind prevents me from attempting anything stupid. But feeling is unwavering to document this pain, and feel it when needed, and seek vengeance. A vengeance without the onslaught of emotions, for emotions make a man weak. Vengeance worth the pain, pain for pain, loneliness for loneliness, an ignore for the ignore, frustration for the frustration.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Clint eastwood
And they say Clint eastwood is a good director.
And I agree no less.
Am no critic, neither have I watched many of his movies but it doesn’t take long to appreciate what he does.
Just been watching my third movie(million dollar baby) of his direction and am awed by what magic he pours in to the scripts, the background score, the cinematography, the movie as a whole. Of course the movies are totally set in American contexts but the realism of emotions that is enacted and portrayed is really commendable. The stories aren't stories about winning or loosing or some cheap thrill of being made to laugh or scare, they are just simple stories. Stories about people their live s and their real lives alone, nothing else.
The magic it seems emerges form the simplicity and a knack of portraying the same constraints, frustrations…. a lack of control over the way the life is and moves on, and the whole beauty of creation that emerges from even such a pathetic set of bondings and shortcomings of human psyche.
And that is what I think makes me identify with many of the characters that are portrayed in his movies.
Totally different from the way I am, the way I feel and act, yet their humanism makes me feel what they would have felt had they been real rather than reel.
My tributes to the acclaimed and gifted director!
And I agree no less.
Am no critic, neither have I watched many of his movies but it doesn’t take long to appreciate what he does.
Just been watching my third movie(million dollar baby) of his direction and am awed by what magic he pours in to the scripts, the background score, the cinematography, the movie as a whole. Of course the movies are totally set in American contexts but the realism of emotions that is enacted and portrayed is really commendable. The stories aren't stories about winning or loosing or some cheap thrill of being made to laugh or scare, they are just simple stories. Stories about people their live s and their real lives alone, nothing else.
The magic it seems emerges form the simplicity and a knack of portraying the same constraints, frustrations…. a lack of control over the way the life is and moves on, and the whole beauty of creation that emerges from even such a pathetic set of bondings and shortcomings of human psyche.
And that is what I think makes me identify with many of the characters that are portrayed in his movies.
Totally different from the way I am, the way I feel and act, yet their humanism makes me feel what they would have felt had they been real rather than reel.
My tributes to the acclaimed and gifted director!
just another word...
oxymoron /ksmrn/ n. M17. [Gk oxumoron use as n. of neut. sing. of oxumoros pointedly foolish, f. oxus (see OXY-) + moros foolish (see MORON).] A rhetorical figure of speech in which markedly contradictory terms appear in conjunction so as to emphasize the statement; gen. a contradiction in terms.
---------------------------------------------------------
Excerpted from Oxford Talking Dictionary
Copyright © 2007 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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For many its just a word. A self-contradiction, a part of speech, vocabulary, general English language. It seems funny, a joke, when you actually be in an oxymoronic situation, may be when you reflect back at your life, the way you are and whole mess you have been through, you are and will always be and you find it all contradictory. But as you realize that you could've been without the whole mess, and then finally it turns that the whole mess was you … the pun starts to fade. I always wanted to be good, that loving-caring 'angel' but the only feeling that I arouse in people, at least the ones I wanted to be good with, is pathos…
I love this song called 'Always' by saliva, a stanza of it goes…
"I love you
I hate you
I can live without you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you. "
So oxymoronic, so meaningless you may say, To intensely hate a person and to still love the same may be the most equivocal, ambiguous statements, yet the pain it embalms can only be felt. It’s a feeling beyond criticism or appreciation in words.
I felt it. May be today…
No jokes, it hurts bad. Especially in the ways I felt it. Somewhere down the centre left of chest it starts to burn, its intense, its painful and beyond the relief of companionship, console or medicine. Having someone as a friend, as a companion, with you, near you, around you and yet feeling that absence, an absence not in the body and spirits, but in the ways you wanted the whole scene to be…
May be that’s what Oxymoron(ic) means….
Its just a word. I 'felt' what it means.
---------------------------------------------------------
Excerpted from Oxford Talking Dictionary
Copyright © 2007 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
---------------------------------------------------------
For many its just a word. A self-contradiction, a part of speech, vocabulary, general English language. It seems funny, a joke, when you actually be in an oxymoronic situation, may be when you reflect back at your life, the way you are and whole mess you have been through, you are and will always be and you find it all contradictory. But as you realize that you could've been without the whole mess, and then finally it turns that the whole mess was you … the pun starts to fade. I always wanted to be good, that loving-caring 'angel' but the only feeling that I arouse in people, at least the ones I wanted to be good with, is pathos…
I love this song called 'Always' by saliva, a stanza of it goes…
"I love you
I hate you
I can live without you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you. "
So oxymoronic, so meaningless you may say, To intensely hate a person and to still love the same may be the most equivocal, ambiguous statements, yet the pain it embalms can only be felt. It’s a feeling beyond criticism or appreciation in words.
I felt it. May be today…
No jokes, it hurts bad. Especially in the ways I felt it. Somewhere down the centre left of chest it starts to burn, its intense, its painful and beyond the relief of companionship, console or medicine. Having someone as a friend, as a companion, with you, near you, around you and yet feeling that absence, an absence not in the body and spirits, but in the ways you wanted the whole scene to be…
May be that’s what Oxymoron(ic) means….
Its just a word. I 'felt' what it means.
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