My life story.

"Unable to excel, I tried to affect a kind of louche, bohemian indifference to "the system"; but I was never cut out to be a decadent either, and only succeeded in making the leap from quietly anonymous to ostentatiously pitiable.  " - anon user about his life experiences on Quora.

My life story. Except that from being  ostentatiously pitiable i slouched myself in to being quietly anonymous... and then in to a nobody without interests or ambition..

democracy-kleptocracy

I read somewhere long back that the society cycles in a chain of systems from monarchy to oligarchy to democracy to autocracy (not in any order). It cycles not because of the deficiencies of the system, but deficiency of humans. We fuck the system up. Like a child running for the toys, we run from one system to other through ages and then at the end fuck the system we adopt and we keep goin round n round, without improving us! (I beleive that's one of the reasons scriptures and all the wisdom of the world highlights to the importance of morality)

To get to the point, i often find myself in this mental quagmire, this hopelessness of living in this kleptocratic, this corrupt, this sick system, where everyone loots.From MP's to MLA's to corporators to office bosses.. just everyone. Every other day, the news of these neta's looting by the thousand of crores just makes me wonder, am i the biggest loser trying to save up on those 100 rupee notes here and there, justifying to myself to use of money as a utility and not as an enabler of easy. Neta's building palaces, corrupt colluding corporate's and their loser progeny enjoying the silver spoon. These reservationist babu kids living an insured-overprotected life from birth to pension of their sarkari job's in their accounts till their last breath. And i just feel sick thinking about those maoists, fighting these crooked neta's day light banditry on their land, their resources.  And i see just how, there's no escape. No transition to communism or oligarchy or autocracy could ever save us. Without morals, nothing works. And hopelessness pushes in to depression, on my own lack of morality. What about my own discipline? my own righteousness? Who am i accusing? 

I don't know what to make of it. I kind of cycle in emotions of chauvinistic-love and despondent-hate. I read of army and ideals and morals only to discover how corrupt army is. How hollow ideals become in face of human depravity. And weakness of morality, something that is just so easy to transcend in to the doom of hubris. Something we (i) do for a fickle!