confessions...

to start with confessions... first things first... writing a confession was never my spontaneous idea... i got it from somewhere else... am writing it cause i think its cool...

1. am a bad looser. i hate loosing,... it irritates me... and i hate it the most when i get poor grades... it feels like somebody has grabed and jolted my guts.

2. i trust no one. ive stopped trusting ppl in college... i mean the way people say stuff, right behind each others back makes me puke on their faces... sheh! ( but alas! what am i saying... ive joined the same brigade it seems)

3. i like vanity (may be my fav sin). its a habbit that refuses to leave me... deep down inside i know that may be am hollow,.... all vanity-no substanse... am a multifaceted faker !

4. i really am an idiot (thats what they call people who dont do much plotting behind back)! i trust people easily, i tell them all my secrets, and they slap me on my face by mocking me behind my back, slandering all around... ive got helluve experience from such a bunch of pathetic gossip mongers... and i keep repeating the same mistake

5. i hate "ignoring" people , still i do ignore many of them ....may be quite a few times i do it cause they do the same to me... so that i can make a "point"...

6. i love to hurt the ones i dont like.... indeed am sadistic, i feel happy when they feel pain.

7. am really mean and gross when it comes to money... thats cause i have this perinnial financial crunch going on... i spend bucks like moron and then i have no money... so i cry for even a penny....

rest... next time...

all alone in my room

Mid sems have passed... its 10 pm... just watched "Charlie wilsons war".... tom hanks, julia roberts, om puri... wasnt that bad a movie.... of course! a tom hanks one is never bad.



sitting all alone all over again, hostel room 122, me and my laptop... lol...



varying thoughts pass my mind like breeze of february, cool, comforting, yet the gloom it carries prevails over everything else. Mid sems have come to an end, as everything else eventually will...



it was Holi celebration today,... and here i am after it all, all broken (literally, ive got this big sprain in my feet, aah! it hurts), its hard even to walk.... and thats one good reason am not having dinner today, just like the countless "other days" its only the sleep that satifies stomach and quenches mind...

holi celebrations were "good" last year... this year it was... i donno... it felt really bad...

MY GRAND MID SEM PREPARATION

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its all empty as it looks!

what is wierd???

isnt it wierd that we drink cows milk???
isnt it wierd that they apply nailpolish and its accepted that it looks beautiful???
isnt it wierd that people following their obsession are called mad???
isnt it wierd that percieved notions like existence of god is assumed by many without reasoning???
isnt it wierd that its sheer luck that many a times decides once destiny...


am agnostic! i follow satan! thats what i keep spouting.... people call it wierd....
who is wierd???

truth, lies and a bit of malice

am not that good a person... i lie, am selfish... malice is inherent in me...
not that bad either...for in any case my conscientious governs my prudence not the malice inherent...

its nearing two years since I've joined college, and as i reflect on the days spent, the evenings enjoyed, the nights slogged, its a journey I'll never forget, if not regret...

as i turn another page, as i walk another way after... after i realized some more mistakes i made, not to mention some prejudices i discovered in people, which i had pretended for long that i didn't knew ever existed in them... its sheer nostalgia that grips me...
nostalgia, a feeling so gripping, so blinding, it just overwhelms all logic, all reasoning,... and i see myself back in the days i had lived, days that were dreams come true. Its frustrating! for every piece of my existence longs to be there, there with the people i had cared, people i chose i would be there for, forever. And its frustrating! for i know am never going to be there again. Its frustrating! for may be i went wrong somewhere, wrong with choices i made, wrong with myself. Its frustrating! for the arrow of time shall never be turning back...
Then its back again, back to my room, back to the desk, back for the preparation of yet another mid sem... ( and that too reminds me of something... the second sem midsems...aah! it hurts!)

lol chal! jo bhi hai...
at least i have few things to regret and a lot of memories to live with, lots of new friends to die for ... lol

passing thoughts...

i liked being alone...
i still do...

i donno, i like being alone for its soltitude that makes me just be what i am.
i hate company, it makes me pretend, it suffocates!
people often think that am amusing, i joke and its..... pathetic...

and am ruining myself....being there with all the people...

i detest... everything, at least being there with people.