serendipity

Truth be told... I have an elephant in the room.

Well, actually its a lady miss. And she is in the other room. She is here cause she has run out of an abode to live, this (un)fine evening. And will be staying on for a few days.
Its actually a little weird. I have shared my pigeon hole of a studio apartment with my mom for 20 days. Dodo was here too.
But this is weird. I barely know her. And while she sleeps, i am feeling weird every second. I have tried to make her comfortable, and i hope she ain't feeling weird.


***
So that brings me to child abusers. :P

Well, not exactly again, but its kinda related. Lemme explain how. Ive always felt this thing to return the favor. Its kind of innate... you know.. it just feels natural to feel like it. Its like, if ive been treated in a certain way, good or bad, i try to return back the same, to people, and to society in general.
(Btw, this is something of a very common patter that child abusers also seem to have. Usually they themselves are unfortunate to have been mistreated in their childhood.. weird correlation, i know.)

I was given a second chance in life, once by my dad. To drop and year and pursue my dream. It probably changed my life. And now that second chance is very part of me. I often try to correlate situations and circumstances, with other people, which call for a second chance. I am more than willing to give people, related or unrelated that chance. Its just the way i feel. I got my second chance. And i want noone else to be left out.

A few months back, i was out of shelter myself. Ditched by flatmates, i was about to be flatless and homeless. And out of blues, friends (Rohit & Harish) welcome with open arms and doors, at their place. I move in, stay with em for some time. Probably the greatest help at the time, i can think of. And when the lady miss, had this place problem, i was kinda confused. I absolutely dint knew about her. (seriously!.. you know.. thoughts of landlord... and rape allegations :P... what not...). But this thing of being shelter-less. I had been in that situation. Its uncomfortable and a damn pain. I am glad to be of help. A favor that frnds did to me. I am giving back. Kind of my lil way to keep the balance of universe.

DO NOT SPIRIT BOMB

Shit hits the fan, for absolutely no reasons. Stupidity i can say, this time.

There are these microbial termites or some bug that's on the underside of my wooden table. Its kinda eating it up and powdery stuff keeps falling off. And am so sick of it. And that fateful thought... i thought, must do something!

So off  i went and bought half liter of paint thinner (i guess it kinda kill those wood bugs, read somewhere) .
And on my quixotic attempt to rid the table of bugs, i poured the entire contents of the bottle on table wood... only to realize that ITS WAS THEN that shit hit the fan...

Table was in my living room and... The entire house has acquired this thinner smell... and the more i inhale it... it make me drowsy and nauseated and funny!

My house is transformed in to a chemical factory in a matter of minutes... its been 6 hours, the smell aint gone!!!!

F*88!

A train of thoughts..

Gawd, i love train journeys. Long train journeys. Ive grown up in train journeys. Hyderabad to patna. Delhi to patna. Delhi to tinsukia. Delhi to Chennai.
General, sleeper, first class(these are ones where it isnt AC but a comparmenet has gates AC 1st class style, i think then dont have em now on trains), 3rd AC, 2nd AC, Rajdhani, Shatabdi.. ive done it all.Travelling back from Bangalore to Delhi, in a train, after more than an year, it feels like home coming. Just feels so great.
Been there, done that.

The train journey's are awesome. The best part is the night. It gets friggin absolutely pitch black. Cherry on the cake...what i see out of the window right now, is straight out some movie scene... It gets occasionally illuminated by thunders, tearing through the sky. Cant hear em, but see the landscape, i can.
Passed an empty fucking station, a few minutes back.. and it was so awesome. Not a soul. No station name. Not even a dog. Just illuminated empty station. Haunted? :-O
Feilds... mountains.... plateau.. ravines... towns... hutments.. chai... if once craves to go out.. see India... travel trains. You get every thing wholesale.

I regret the taste of luxury, naah, this dependency on luxuries, i seem to have depend on.. AC kind of seprates you from what awesomness trains
actually are. The sealed windows are like prisons. Sleeper class.. night time... your head resting on the window grills.... I dunno, i cant describe a more
liberating feeling. I cant decribe in words the way you can see the world sitting on the coach gates of a speeding train.. crossing a river bridge.
The sight of river waters, beneath your feet... seperated by the rails and towers of the bridge.

Adios... its getting late.. and i wonder, what mobile bill am going to blow up, for this internet on train..

alive

Its been so long since i wrote something. Mostly cause the fountain of words just stopped. Tried last few times, but the words wont just come out. And the other times, it just felt stupid writing it all up. Personal. Stupid. Open.
Even now its really hard. I dunno what the purpose of this blog is and why i just don't delete it. Is it about specifics, or the bigger picture or a personal diary. The posts that i wrote sound so stupid and senseless and boring. Any-case i don't read them. And i cant even if i try to.
May be its the memories. May be the sacrosanct college-life connection, when even stupid was innocent and acceptable.

Life has changed. And so has its meaning. The dawn of college ending has given way to the sunshine of professional life. Sometimes, warm and a lot of times scorching. Days pass like they used to in college, as purposelessly now, as they were in college, only in a more meaningless and lifeless way. I float around in office, flounder on the weekends and alone in evenings. I cook clean and lay around in a bachelor-pad that ive come to call home.

Life is boring,dull and lifeless. And days just pass. Still alive though. 

Patna

Gawd! the artsy me is back.. in bits & pieces. Thats something to be positive about. I am reading a novel and am hell bent on finishing it. I search music, try new songs... and repeat the ones i find ad-infinitum, till i can hear em no more. I click pictures and a whole lots of em. Movies are to the bare minimum & so are the serials.  The very fact that i gathered courage to write a blog post confirms the same.

Other than that, Patna tour has crushed my hopes of MBA. I dunno, i am not doing good in procs.. and i have just eaten and slept last few days.. read 300 pages of A fine balance... listened to songs &blah-blah(ed) with relatives in festivities. Gained 2 Kg's :(

A challenging time waits ahead for me in Bangalore. Finding a new home. Exams. New Assignments at work. Life's changed.


**************

Btw this song(princess of china)... gawd! this song is awesome!  the parts where rihanna sings..

"Cause you really hurt me
No you really hurt me
Cause you really hurt me
No you really hurt me
Cause you really hurt me
Ooooooooh no you really hurt me
Cause you really hurt me
Ooooooooh no you really hurt me...."


are so so... close to touching the heart... the encore is just painful. Brings out memories seldom remembered, the dead & buried...