what happened to life?

am i dead?

i dont talk to ppl. i dont want to meet em.. greeting and hi-hello is a pain. Am growing socially incapable by the day. i look 4 ways to bypass people without the trouble of a small talk.. its just beyond comprehension or reason.

i want to keep frnds & relations i had & never move on... sadly their life has :(

its so hard to maintain a thread of "relationship". the disconnect just sets in... slowly like a deep freeze it drives a chill in what used to be warmth of companionship. there are hardly things to talk & contentions of connect. i am so used to it, every time dad got transferred nd i changed a school... its a been there- done that affair, yet its unbearable every new time.

office is a dynamic place... you never work with the same people.. team changes, people join & leave... you get sent on assignments, others come on assignments... trainees.. koreans... indians... HRs...

its been ages since ive been Home... home. "home is where heart is" ... i dunno where my heart is... in to what... i have awaited for saturday the 4th of Junefor eternity now, nd now that the day is just about to arrive i am literally joy-less... its same ol social awkwardness... uncls... aunts... cousins... hi hellos he he ha ha...

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time destroys everything. as you grow up things get taken from you... you realize... sooner or later... "things" could be material or immaterial lil joys... things which seemed fascinating remain so-nomore... bars pubs branded clothes.. laptops... graphic cards.. games... bikes... cars... fancy colleges.. high life.......... they are all just things.. and when you get em, you want em no more... they are just things.

too much partying and you dont want it. to much game and you dont like it. too much good food and its tasty no more.... too much adventure and thrill goes...

i cant have things, i learnt & i dunno how to "have" people..

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am i dead?