life, frnds and third year at college...

"Sar kiye ye pahar, dariyaon ki gehraiyon mein tujhe dhunda hai...Aa bhi jaa ek bar… "- strings

(well am quoting the song for no good reason other than cause its playin in the background, of course on my latest (5 day NEW) Intex 2600W 2.1 speakers- that has nearly emptied nearly all my pocket money
time right now - 2:55 am)

The third year at college is different. Its different for sure. Am not what I used to be. People are not what they used to be. People and their ways with other people. Jokes we used to share have hardly changed, but with whom I shared those, surely have. Either identity itself or may be the entity within them. Something has changed. I donno what...

I've got this new all "personal - private" single room at hostel. I can do whatever I can here!
I AM GAWD!
Its good. It has to be good. I wanted to be here. This room.
But donno, It looks and feels all right but it lacks something.
I still wonder if I miss that cramped and screwed up double-seater room I shared with Antariksh. Its backside verandah, yup! The sunset was clearly visible there… and the nearby room had "friends"… the evenings of having the dinner together… I guess am just missing my gregarious "me"...

Not just this emptiness of a lonely room. That’s insignificant to the other myriad this-that's.
The way all are behaving. Mature. Are we mature now? Am I? Well , I AM mature since long , that’s what I know. But this isn't just about making prudent decisions I guess. Quite some amount of objectivity, a selfishness sort of behavior has crept in from I donno where. A motive to get things done, to see beyond just most obvious in people. And may be people are that way. Like me. Selfish. They too seek to see beyond me, my motives as I try to see theirs.
Meekness of being in herd, a sense of belonging to a group has been replaced by an urge to go alone. Be there, be it all alone.

And more than often I find myself thinking about the life beyond college. A job. May be Deloitte, even better Oracle or Dunn humby. Facing the big bad world. Being in that glitzy yet bitchy corporate world. And every time I think of that a feeling of merciless revenge, anger, to rise to the top seems to overpower all other feelings.

Treats aren't that fun now. Come on! I still have no clue as to how that happened. The D gang of first sem and the life of masti thereafter has been built by these very treats. Bercos to Zen… Pizza hut to Pind baluchi… it seems more of a routine now, attending treats. Fuck! I was getting bored at my very own birthday treat this time! Meeting ol friends… hours of vella-panti… metro walk… even mech and elec canteens don seem the same now. They surely are indispensible but comparatively the joy was more last year. Have I outgrown college? Or this is just momentary lapse of sense and all am doing right now is being banal.

And yes! Ive started to care less about other people… all that interest in bird watching, a pang of not having a gf. It has gone. All girls sound the same.

Its not as if life is all dull and boring. Not that am losing all joy in things and transforming to be a joyless psycho.
We, the gang of friends, specially nigam, ap, myself, to an extent swati have become adept at creating all new technically specialized pj's. They are amazing!
The small chit-chat, chowmein, dosa and nimbu-paani at mech are all pure gold.
Managing "idce.in" our very own website is fun.
All night long LAN gaming sessions with arjun and saksham.
Music! Oh god! My addiction to music has crossed all boundaries. This very month ive spent nearly all my pocket money to get the latest speakers on the shelf. Every second day a new track seems to hijack all my attention. And am loving it! (Currently : tears don’t fall - bullets for my valentine - playin in the background- the latest crush)
Perfecting to drive my car, my baby, on those long drives.
Some off times spent with silky. Hopping Rajouri malls. Shoppers stop. Among the top things I like doing...

Life is change. It surely is for me. Hope the brings more positives than negatives.