suicide

whats the whole point livin when it all comes to being dead... a few years later or may be the next time you cross the road.

Talk about it publicly and people label you "fattu"...

Isnt all the religion and philosophy and all the extents we (including the "non- Fattu's")  go to, to keep ourselves busy.... to reconcile from the ultimate reality of life... which though oxymoronic, is Death.

whats the point? nobody has ever escaped it... and if nothing survives, whats all this for?

i don believe gods... they aint comin to save me. i need my own logical standing to save my "soul". Ages of knowledge, all the experiences and love and freindship... everything that shimmers just fades... death takes it all.

Then sould everything be taken for granted??? trifling and jokular??? care bout nothing... and live life ala yogi style...

may be. 

"existentialism".

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am scared of people and freindships... the gross aggregation of a mass of people just sucks!!!

CL class included. entering the class and brething in the toxicity of the atmosphere.... is there a panacea??? i donno.. its incurable.

people always have aspirations and expectations... and am not the one, ive failed. Many times and many places... am not the one who might be of any use. why do they look up to me and say hello... the very fact that some people are aware of my existnce sucks!!!

not you... not individuals... i donno how to say this... ive always enjoyed the company of freinds and people but ive never felt at ease at the gregarious alcoves... never ever!

And yes! ofcourse there are "plastics"... their plastic smiles and their plastic postures... they take away whatever is left of the feeling to meet the people... and to top it all, an idiot like me often takes them at their face value and and.... u no... acts plastic. i did. and may be that flexibility of the smile is still there... 

why do plastics exist?

And why do i exist?