New Year

I don't feel like blogging these days. Life's good, not great. My last holidays in college are going just usual. Completely vella all the time and most of the time boring. In college when companies are coming, revising college stuff. When home most of the time am online, and that too only to find myself looking through specifications of Missiles and rifles and aircraft ( as though am going to experience any of it :( in near future...).

Life is dull but at least am aware of the fact that there isn't much tension now (compared to a life that i would be having just after 6 months from now). Got placed in IBM. Yet feeling nothing different whatsoever. Infact the very reaction to the news when they put up that notice on the training and placement department was like... "ok! yeah! finally ek job mili". Hope of getting a better job is diminishing by the day. Yet am trying to linger on. Hope.

"Hope is a quintessential human delusion, perhaps the source of mans greatest weakness and his greatest strength" - The Architect (Matrix)

*****

I dunno what to write next... The sounds of crackers bursting and diwali rockets zooming here and there outside my window tell me that the clock has crossed the 12 mark and 2010 has sneaked in just a few minutes ago.

Watched two movies day before yesterday. Vicky Christina Barcelona & Patriot games. The first one was nice. In fact it was very nice (sply when you got both penelope cruz & scarlet johansson to gether). The latter was trash. Typical run of the mill Hollywood affair with absolutely no frills.

What else to write... yaar it seems am again getting back to dairy writing on the blog... and thats something i hate...

Happy New Year to all!

adios.

heartburn

its been long time... yet sometimes i reminisce of things i... i longed for and now i don't.... they seem far trivial...

*************************************************

i often wonder bout how relationships work and why *sometimes* they don't. Why sometimes two are attracted and why sometimes one doesn feel the same. Why does one long for company? and why does the heart *burn* sometimes? why people are attracted towards falling in love and yet not notice how complicated it is.. and and how and why does loneliness suck a lot of times?

Is it all just a metamorphosis of all thats physical...carnal...hormonal?

What is love? and why does heart *burn*?

i luv my loneliness. it aint bad i can tell you... i luv sitting in my room.. disconnected.. Games novels.. movies.. net... a quiet dinner.. and yet heart *burns*!

i luv company. its certainly better in many ways. sharing dinner... snacks... talks... tasks... Still heart *burns*...

what is it that i long for?

Is it something thats achievable through love.. but is something beyond love..

Am i talking sense or its just nonsense?

Why does heart *burn*?

P.S. sometimes its just questions. no answers.

P.P.S i guess am having a lot of trans fats in my diet... could be a cause of heart burns :P

Rejections continued…

I guess after this post I mush change the name of my blog to "rejections chronicle". :D

( Hows the name?If you feel its good or want to suggest ny other plz feel free to drop in a comment)

*****

Some days just turn out bad . Went for an "interview" of sorts today, for a two month internship for this startup called "xyz".

:)

Humiliated. Disgraced and if at all anything was left… the enlightened one took care of it with the immortal query… "ahem! So where were you placed?" (asked it three times in a matter of 3 hours)

Well day started not so fine with a pretty early morning wake up call (who wakes at 730 at this time of the year? :P). Hopped the metro. And hopping I went and sat at the good'ol, 50-bucks-a-cup coffee shop (they also call it the CCD) at Noida . No idea as to what I was to expect of the meeting, I had not even bought a copy to answer the questions for the torture about to happen. And without much ado started the enlightened one grilling. He mocked, ridiculed , humiliated and dunno what… at times I matched his demeanor with my gaucherie and rest of the times I guess he was just mad at me for being there amongst "the chosen ones" ( was rejected when I applied first). The rest of the next two hours all just adds to my large collection of "best rejection" memories. (13 of them total (:P) , including the big ones Cisco, Citrix, etc etc... + 1 aaj mila ke).

Well In no ways do I blame him, actually I made sure I had it all coming. To tell you the funny part, I had applied for this internship the first time and he had downright rejected me! (:P) So I stooped a level low and tried the old book trick. Wrote him a letter, begged him for a second chance. And Incidentally the first draft of that letter was so rude, had I sent that one… I guess the enlightened one would have slapped me today! (:D) Then add to it that I even convinced my friend to write a recommendation letter who had worked with him earlier.

& The next thing that I knew was that I had this msg last night, that I am to meet the guy at Noida next morning 1130.

:)

Uske baad to happy ending ho gayi jee

*****

P.S. Sooner or later am going to get a job. I will do good. When I do, and when I reach the position I will mock and ridicule other people when they come for interviews. It must be fun. (:D)

P.P.S It ain't that fun now, sitting continuously on the other side of the table. Sometimes it gets sad, depressing and demeaning… :(

A Friday.

Friday was pretty much hectic. 7th sem ends. the classes. Morning to evening the schedule was jam packed. Pracs, vivas, admit card, photocopies, frnds, maggi at mech....

Gawd! am nearly begging time to stop. I dont want the college to end. ever. And its sheer desperation as i feel the days pass. Ive always felt that i dwell on my past and many a times i dont like it. But thinking bout the time of my life that i had in college... somewhere inside its just blues and butterflies... and i just want to go back... and i wouldnt regret it...

See! i dwell on my past... start talking random...

So coming back to the beautiful memorable Friday, as i walked back from college to hostel all weary and exhausted i recalled that today, the last day of sem, the second years were hosting the Freshers night. And there was this second year that i know walking back home.

He says hellos and i ask him, "why are you going back?... aaj to freshers hai, arent second years supposed to be there?"

and he replied with his sunny smile... "Sir! kuch ahchaa nahi ho rha... havan hoga... aap lekin attend jaruur karna... aapka last hai!"

Hell! that hurt somewhere. "My last freshers". I never counted that one coming...

.............

I still remember my freshers nite... That was like the best thing that had ever happened, back then... The Drama... the Solo song... Refreshments... Mech canteen's photo session... And the JAM...

Sounds trivial, yet everything seems so fresh and special...

.........

And there i was sitting in the audience... observing... May be trying to find myself in the crowd... and and... i did find myself... a lot of "myself's"... in many of the first years... in their jokes, in their careless postures, in their smiles... in their lack of that "experience"... which they would have in the four years to come. And they would experience it all... i hope they all do.... just like i did... amen!

P.S. Missed out on a lot of things that i could have written about... the trip, the dinner treat, the pup, the JAM, the alice in the wonderland, drag me to hell-Full metal jacket... but i guess somethings are better preserved in heart. Thats where they are supposed to belong. Not on stupid blogs. :)

on why i should be in dunn... lol..

disclaimer: all thats written here is purely coincidental and fictional. No bearing with anything truthful or real.

************

I would love to join Dunnhumby for 3 reasons.

I have spent my entire childhood travelling and living in various parts of India, in towns big and small and have a firsthand experience of living in varied socio-economic milieu that enrich India. I have also completed my entire schooling in government schools in various parts of India and it further inculcated in me a sense of appreciation and understanding of different cultures and how diversity adds up to make things beautiful and complete. Now from what i gather from Dunnhumby’s presentation today and its website is that it’s a company primarily driven by a focus towards customers, and in other words to understand customers. Thus, when i, as someone who has some understanding of various cultures and differences, say that i like and i understand what Dunnhumby does, i know it’s about knowing and understanding people.

The second reason is the idea of working with a multinational-multicultural organization with vastly talented people. Dunnhumby as an organization puts genius in delivering the best to its customers. And to deliver genius one has to have genius which in Dunnhumby are the people working for it. Joining a company with such a talent pool & global exposure would benefit me personally and professionally.

Thirdly, for me working for Dunnhumby would be a long term career decision coherent with my career objective. I want to make a career out of something that i like doing. I have a passion for knowing people and my schooling and college have inculcated in me analytical skills essential for the job at Dunnhumby. Thus Dunnhumby for me is a logical choice.

nothin

sometimes life just sucks.

everyday you wake up... naah! this ones mine...

someday's I wake up thinkin nothing.. yeah well! nothing.. i just wake and dont think anything. and go about doing my chores. flowing with the flow. trying to please everybody and then getting screwed sometimes, in fact a lot of times.

then there are days when i wake up thinking am some sort of a crazy maniac army thing... with all discipline and honor and dignity and all the stupid blah that i think is inside me and try to do something good for myself... like fill up an army entrance form or may be complete my lab file myself rather than doing the usual copy paste routine. and then i find myself screwed in ways even more complicated.

and then there are days when am like completely down and feel i should not exist. and then it doesn even need a mention that i end up sleeping all day.

some days do turn out normal. i wake up and do usual stuff and then i keep doing usual stuff. yeah hav some fun... but thats just limited to spending time with frnds or in that dark room...

but thats that. life feels dull.

and then a night like tonight... i feel am tired of all the usual stuff that i keep waking up with... like thinking nothing or thinking am hero or may be thinking am looser... why cant i just wake up and and and... and wake up in new york with in a big mansion and chauffers and a billion dollar company to run and millions in my bank balance and may be a few beauties by my side???

ive heard that though infinitesimal there does exist a possibility that someone just wakes up in another place or planet in a passing second... some Einstein theory i donno much bout... it does say that... why doesn it happen with me???

P.S. am sleepy, i guess.. :P

loneliest day of my life

before even you start reading it lemme just tell you that what follows is plain cribbing...

ok! if you dont wanna read it.. doesn matter... you don have any reasons to read some stupid cribbing in a stupid reject's blog...

*****

it just keeps ringing in my head... how?

nearly answered every other question in the interview... spoke with confidence... gd round was kinda good... cleared the written...

In fact it was i who was thinking throughout the day that an interview can never so easy and so "clear-able"...

it just keeps ringing in my head... why? how can they reject me?

donno... may be am just jinxed or not at all talented in any sense...

in classes in viva's in practical... why is it just me being singled out???

looking at the list of people... the kind of ppl... who could get through, while i could not... i could only bow my head in shame... shame at my own plight.. my inefficacy...

am just plain useless... :'(

am really sad. its the loneliest day of my life... :'(

regular jobless chat... nothing spl

Siddhant Goel: :)

Siddhant: makemytrip?

me: make your trip? why?

go make your own trip

!!!

Siddhant: local boy

me:

Siddhant:

apply kar rha hai?

me: dekh tera to kahin ho bhee jayega tera cv itna mast hai

Siddhant: nhi ho rha na kahi bhi

me: mera kahi nahi hoga mujhe har jageh apply karna padta hai

Siddhant: everyone is rejecting me

me: lol

you can never beat me... or match me

am the

Siddhant:

me: REJECTION KING!

you applying

Siddhant: maybe yes

me: arre!

hadd hai

wait a sec

Siddhant: i can manage one more rejection

kya hua

me: can you imagine yourself working as a travel agent?

Siddhant:

everyone there is not a travel agent

they have software guys in there

me: someone is

a travel agent there

you could be one

or ened up being one

*end

Siddhant: if they tell me that i'll end up being a travel agent, i'll slap them in the hr round

me:

guess what?

THEY WONT TELL YOU THAT! nd you might just end up being a travel agent even before you relize

Siddhant: nope

me:

lol

Siddhant: i have a senior working in there

he hasn't been told to be a travel agent yet

Sent at 1:15 PM on Saturday

me: lol

watch out baby

Siddhant: awww ok

me: the life of a travel agent... kahan abhi you are a google guy... kal pata nahi "agent bhaiya" ban gya to...

Siddhant: abe chal

me: yaani you might end up programming ppls trip abroad... or on honeymoon trips.... rofl!!!!

Siddhant: ooh

amazing idea

Sent at 1:18 PM on Saturday

Video & more

Pop-in

:)

Two rejections in a day! uffff!

(nope! not the gal's... just two companies which came for recruitment)

anyways... companies are just companies... ek jaati hai to dusri aati hai...

life's has become really hectic these days(since last 6 months). Companies. Gaming. CAT. and what not... Still i donno wht else to write about..

TWO REJECTIONS....

i can handle more.

come one.. come all... ill give my best... wont give up!

I cheat, I steal and I lie : the not guilty perspective

I do. And I accept it as is. I can see it while I do it. And ignore it while I reflect upon the same. And may be that’s what makes me human. I've indulged in these ever since I can recall. I do it on a day to day basis and I don’t see myself quitting in any foreseeable near future.

I stole an ice-cream today from the canteen along with the ones I paid for. It’s despicable an act, considering the fact that am educated and have means enough to buy one of those every other day . I feel guilty in a strange way today. Not cause I stole an ice-cream. Its cause I stole "only one" ice-cream. Must have cleared the whole store.

I lied when I said I did not have a pen-drive when I had one, when an acquaintance of mine asked me for it.

I cheat myself on a daily basis when I say I will be a better man. No stealing- no lying-no cheating. That’s not me. I thrive on it.

Am I bad enough. No I don’t see it. I see people equally corrupt if not more. Cheating... stealing and lying...

Discussing on the same table social issues plaguing the most destitute of our country, where millions live in penury and without food we spend our "100 buck - baldies" eating useless junk. Vituperating against the same system we are part of without doing anything to correct it, we have lost all morality to say anything. Each one of us indulges in it.

But that’s how it is. That’s how things work. Am just being odd enough to be shamelessly open while doing it and admitting. Am just idiot enough to do it to please people. Am just myopic enough in stealing "one", while I could have devised some way to clear the whole everything. I was not selfish enough today. That’s where my fault lies. Improvement . Am crude in my practice. I must be polished enough not get noticed. I must be remorseless enough not to feel the guilt. And fake enough to castigate any and everybody under the sun who cheats, steals or lies.

I cheat. I steal and I lie. And I WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT.

Vanilla Sky

Have you ever dreamt of reliving your life... going back a few years and making "amends"... may be just bending things the way you wanted them to turn out...

I never thought i would even think on those terms... never. i always thought life was good as is. good or bad, i never thought life must have been any different than the way it was...

As i write this i still don't disagree with what i said in last sentence. This is life. Life is living, not dreaming.

But tonight i dreamt, i dreamt how i thought i could make changes... twist the story and to bend it the way i could... and i tried to relive those moments in the ephemerality of my thoughts... Just before i decided to write about the Silly dreams..

The first thoughts were a sudden realization. oh F^^^! ive grown old... college... ive lived it all... though still in college but yeah... that childhood is gone... the school is gone, never to be back. That innocence is lost.

i could hav done things better. i could hav had asked aniruddh to just gimme a contact number or an address... he was my best freind back in Kolkata. May be my first true freind.... a wing man... a chess buddy! I miss him. And all the matches we had against each other and against amitendra and mukherjee. I just let him go... slip right in front of my eyes... i donno... i din even bid him a good bye properly. Man! i regret that to this day! lol wish i could hav said depanjana a hello! :P

Wish i could relive Kolkata all over again... the two years... again and again... that was schoollife at its prime. it was just so cool! and i remember the day dad broke the news that he had been transferred. Awww! that was pain.. i couldnt grasp that i will be loosing all my hard earned freinds all over again.

And and... how can i forget that i was caught cheating in my sanskrit exam back in hyderabad! lol... that was crazy! lol... But that was for good... i made me never cheat in exams again.

25-04-07.... wish i could have changed that!... Or may be it just had not happened... My life now and everything in it would hav been different. but its not.

These are all just dreams...

top 10

There is nothin much to write bout these days... kinda busy doin absolutely nothin... :P

absolutely vela, what to do...??? i guess this's the time to recollect the all time fav's...

( May be am gonna miss out on quite afew of em.. there are so many... fir bhee... :) )

10. For starters, it has to be DISTURBED. Great band, great music!... i luv all the songs... so whichever song that i list, hardly matters... this ones called "prayer".

9. For the 9 th plac eits between "carnival of rust" and "Late goodbye" (both by the poets of the fall)... even though i listen more of carnival, still it HAS to be Late goodbye... It oozes pain... (Late good BYe - Poets of teh Fall))

8. *Its the song of my first love*... absolutely poignant!... the tune just transports me back in the past... the freshness of first love.... Materpeice!...

(Talk - Coldplay)

7. This one doesn sound really cheerful, a song... but i guess it has always motivated me to keep the fight goin on... to win... LUV THIS ONE! (The video got copyright issue- cant post the original... check it out on youube urself)

(Loser - 3 doors down)

6. This onez all pain again... i really like its video. And the song is great.

(but i guess the video has some copyright issue... cannot be embedded.. so am posting some other vid of the same song :( )s - Sum41)

(Peices - Sum41)

5. Rammstein! THE GAWDS OF METAL! The most classic... Du hast!

(Du hast - Rammstein)

4. This is where i began! MI2 soundtrack (my first recognizable hard rock song to which i was really hooked!) cheers for the most amazing Limp Bizkit!

(Take a look around - Limp bizkit)

3. For the sheer no of times (may be more than 2500 times) that ive listened to this song... it deserves the 3rd rank. :P

(You and Me - Lifehouse)

2. For the past 3 years, stayin at hostel, thinkin bout home... all that angst, that pain, that love... this song has it all!

(Home - Breaking Benjamin)

1. I donno why, but i can still hear this one as many times as possible... all night, all day... like crazy!!! Mera no 1! :)

(To the moon and back - Savage Garden)

Deep forest and gupt :(

Gupt- Gupt has always been amongst my most fav songs... but i din knew, even this was lifted off some popular track....

(from deep forest's - deep forest)

Sheer beauty

Am in love with guns...

I love em... From Dragunov SVD to mosin-nagat and from M16-Ak47 to classic springfeild... i love em all... given a chance i will like to hold it, fire it and keep it with me. i love guns...

The way it represents sheer power, a power to strike with deadly force...

 I know it kills... and human life is precios... but what does not kill?

Am not eligible for Air force. My resolve to join any other service in military is shaky... may be ill do an MBA than landing up somewhere where i cant fly... But surely one good reason that i wanted to join military (army now) is to fire a firearm... hold it... touch it... feel it... experience the recoil and look through the aiming sight... GAWD i love guns! they are beutiful than any girl... any natural scenary... anything ever made...

(The pic at the start is of one of my favourites... the sturmgrewehr 44 (looks much like an AK 47))

 

quantity and quality

its really surprising to discover that even quantity is quality...

like if you owerwhelme something with excessive firepower rather than havin a fair accuracy (Ak47 Vs M16)...

or 

you flood the markets with something thats cheap and easy to produce, than having a higly effective yet complicated design, hard to manufacture (Surf excel Vs Nirma).... its the quality of quantity ( which is the sheer quantity of qunatity ) that has supremacy over quality's quality alone. 

thats where the kiss principle derives from...

THE KISS PRINCIPLE

K- Keep

I - It

S - Simple

S- Stupid!

;)

such a lonely world

Just finished "Inheritance of loss" and it was good. No doubt it was well written. An open ending and yet i end up appreciting the elan; thats something. I guess finally am coming to terms with an open endings. As i had read in one of the RC passages at the Career launcher's english class... open endings capture the reality of life... the possibilties of the story ending in any form... any end. Happy. Sad. Ambivalent. Am beginning to understand.

Inheritance of loss is a story which had the capacity to connect. And it spoke of a reality that each one of us tries to "ignore". Of destitution, of helplessness... We, living a life that is by all material means saturated overlook miseries. 

one of the lines that really moved me said

... Its hard to accept oneself as is. Of our shortcomings and fragility. It needs a facade of persuasion, not for other but for our veryown self. Everyone does it....

This kinda jolted my guts inside. Were my beleifs my facade? or am i just running from my deficiancies?

I Could identify mysef with gyan. Was i just blaming my incompetence to unfathomed causes and treading a path i myself dont know where it lead....

god knows...

The one when the condom scene happened.

I guess its been a while since that happened and the time is right to put this on blog...

Surely this one made me realize that sometimes life is far crazy than they can ever depict in soaps and movies...

so here it goes...

Circa, 2nd year at college. Then, i was this guy who had never dated a girl.. the mysteries of the fairer gender were all elusive (its the same case today as well).

So the incident goes.. There is this old school friend that i had met in delhi after long. ( She all bubbly and vivacious gal and me the not so bubbly and not so vivacious guy). We had bumped in  quite a few times earlier as well. Here and there, nothin much to write home about. And then one day outta blues she rings me, askin if am free for movie as she has a day off at her place... i agreed. (Cum on! bandi asking out... itna to banta hai! :P)

And at the same time we have our annual college fest goin on.

Our main sponsers : NAACO (n - national a- aids a-pta ni  c- control o- organization  i guess). 

And what these guys (our sponsors) had done was,  to promote awareness and some other reason ( :P) placed this small box of condoms at the college canteen. In broad daylight the place where that condom carton was kept is completely deserted. Not a soul. But boyz will be boyz. By the evening when i was back at hostel seems every other guy had grabbed at least a few condoms, for god knows what reasons ( i can assure you that 99% of the guys had no prospects- me included). Voila! my roomie gifts me one as well. lol. All happy that i din miss out I PUT THAT GOD FORSAKEN CONDOM THING IN POCKET AND JUST FORGET.

The next thing that i remember is that we are rushing in for the movie. Got the tickets and proceed for the security check...

Security guard: "Sir! pocket mein kya hai? sir chocolates chewing gum allowed nahi hai!"

Me : "arre kuch nahi hai bhaiya! aise hi kuch wrapper hoga..."

Security guard: "Nahi sir! Nikaliye to sahi! dekhna padega"

NIRODH!

AWW! now that was embarrassing! 

I still remember the  silly smile that security guard gave me ( stopping short of the advice on abstinence)... and the other movie goers! GAWD!!!! 

I ran to catch up with my movie mate. 

Meanwhile  i donno if "she" had seen actually what had transpired... i still donno but she had this look of surprise on her face. God knows what she thought of me. (Jerk! what does he think of himself?... i surely made a big fool of myself and vowed NEVER TO ROAM WITH A CONDOM IN THE POCKET.... lol) 

The movie was a bore btw.. the chaat that we had after the moie was great!...

PS. And hey condom is good! abstinence is better. Adios!

MUST WATCH!!!

100

hey this ones my 100th!

pleasent surprise... given that its nearing 3 am and am desperate for anything good...

End sems (VIth sem) have blown the air outta me... am gasping to breath in this jam packed and  suffocating preparation. In spite of all the lessons that ive learnt in last 5 sems, i find myself in the same quagmire again.... havent read nything and studying at th 11th hpour is making no difference... GoD! somebody please postpone the exams by a week more...

btw i exercised my electoral franchise yesterday, for the first time. The indelible ink mark is really cool btw... lol...

and and... the birthday last week was good. Delicious dinner at home. Parents. Peace == Ammazing!

and the "other celebration" which followed was good as well. But for the burning a hole in my pocket thing, everything else was nice in it... lol :)

so... ill be off for the next 15-20 days... (whom am i telling this??? lol hardly anyone reads my blog...)

Nyways tada!

to me...

Birthday kyooon aata hai yaar!... harr baar... baar baar... lagatar...???

fir se pitunga... treat bhi deni hogi... aur pata ni... kya kya...

Happy birthday to me!

Tag

So here goes the tag, Swayam has tagged me on...
1. What does my user name mean?

Right now. Short and sweet for Abhishek.

2. Elaborate on your user photo..
Thats me, without Nigam and Ankit (croped the pic), from our Jaipur Trip pics.

3. How many comments do you have?
Count em... Not many...  i donno... i don care.

4. Whats your current relationship status?
Gimme more   :P

5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Pajamas and tee

6. What is your current problem?
Internship. Finding a good intership/training for the summer holidays.

7. Who do you love the most?
who else?.....  My laptop!  :P

8. What makes you most happy?
Being with freinds.

9. Are you musically defined?
Flows in my veins. Moody on the genre... from metal to melody... nythin works dependin on the mood..

10. What would you do if you woke up one morning and discovered you were on cocaine?
Did i Fuck? they say its heavenly to fornicate on cocaine!  rofl! :P

11.If you could go back in time and change some thing what would it be?

Donno... neve thought bout changin nythin... life's good.

12. If you must be an animal for a day, what would you be?
Eagle. Mighty, the ruler. Will fly nywhere...

13. Ever had a near death experience?
lol many! many many! 

last time nigam save me from getting crushed by the bus.. before that i nearly fell from the steps at hostel... before that the bathroom incident... lol

My life's in moral peril... Help me!

14. Name an obvious quality you have?
"Machana" - barua calls that my forte. Screwing favourable situations. Messing. Teasing.

15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
Nymphetamine

16. Are you happy today?
yup I am. But unsatisfied. 

17. Who will cut and paste this first?
dunno

18. Name someone with the same birthday as yours
:P i dont care. My birthday is ma birthday.

19. Do you have a secret crush on someone?
yup. 

20. Do you have a garbage disposal in your kitchen sink?
yup.

21. have you ever been in a fight?
yes i have... All kinds of fights. fist fights. Verbal. But that was school days... i don remember being in any fights in college, verbal or otherwise.

22. have you ever sung infront of a large audience?
lol... neve

23. Whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
OO   lol.... he he.... mmm,,, serious! intelligence, poise. 

24. Say something totally random about yourself?
Am gonna make my inner soul proud. I love my freinds. Am helpful. Sometimes mean. Light hearted... and love pjs. 

25. Has anyone said you looked like a celebrity?
yes they have... i remember someone told me ki am similar to farookh shaikh... rofl!

that was like... who?

26. Are you comfortable with your height?
yep. 

27. What is the most romantic thing somebody's done for you?
kissed me. 

28. What are your favourite smells?
Burberry brut, thierry mugler. Au fresh, Versace. (lol I have both of em!!!)

29. What's something that totally annoys you?
two faced people.. Plastics! fuck plastics!

30. What's something you really like?
Vela with freinds... 

31. Do you give random hugs and kisses?
:P nope. not so physical in expressing my emotions.

32. What's the latest you have ever stayed up? 
Now thats my forte... have stayed up all night... that too like zillion times

33. have you ever been rushed into the emergency room?
Nopes.

34. Whom would you tag?
Nigam

I LIVE

If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

Dying for motherland is eternal glory...

Superstition is extension of beliefs

(CL mam ne kaha thaa likho, so... here it goes.... )

Belief is not gods or daemons. Belief is not a cat or a cow. Belief is not a witch doctor or  a voodoo.

Its not so myopic in its scope and trivial in its vision.

I feel strongly against any claim that superstitions are an extension to beliefs.   No!

Belief is life. I live cause I believe in a way of life, my ideals, my principles and my podium to stand a moral high -ground.

 

Beliefs are oft quoted as ones religious affiliation, but are they so limited in their meaning?

What would you call your principles then?  Is it not your belief?

What would you define the reason of you working for your goal in life? Is it not your belief  in your goal that compels you to work so hard for it?

 

Look around you…

Why does a soldier fight for his country and risk his life? Its his belief in his duty, his obligation to protect the motherland!

You! Don’t you help when your friend and your loved ones through thick and thin? Is it your superstition that he might do you good at some later point ?

No! you love them and you believe in your love.

You trust god and do follow his shown path of good and just. What is it? Its belief!

 

On the contrary, what are superstitions?

Don’t you know what they are within the heart of your hearts? In fact we ourselves have coined and defined the term as an irrational awe of unknown.  Yes! We are afraid of the unknown, we observe them. But we don’t define our existence around them. You don’t go about doing your everyday work, thinking about a cow or a cat all day. Superstitions are nothing but our means to respond to our call of curiosity, our way out of fears. Not a path to ones destiny.

 

Before I conclude my stand, I would highlight to the thought which might be running amok in your mind, that we don’t live in such a utopian world where people essentially have a philosophy and live with a goal…

 

No, we do live in such a world.

 

The very fact that world exists proves it. And it does cause people believe it. You believe it!, You do!

BRO STANFORDIAN!

wel wel wel!

Finally! he gave me the shock of a lifetime!, MY brother.

He just called up few days back... afternoon... somethin like 3:00pm... 

"Hey bro! can you check your mail plz... "

i asked "whadup? whad happnd?"

"Just check! stupid!"

**Hanged up***

and languidly i crawled to open my mailbox and voila! Theres this mail and it reads in bold, Times roman... "NTU - STANFORD SCHOLARSHIP"

(Aah! i lost my sleep in like a jolt. What could it be?)

2 mins and am readin it again and again and my state is in total disbelief...

It was an admission cum scholarship offer in the MS program (Environmental Sciences) jointly offered by the Stanford-NTU(singapore) university.

A fully paid  scholarship including airfare charges, he had bagged the lottery of a lifetime. 

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BUT before you are just dazzeled by all of it... just as i was a few moments back... lemme add that it wasnt easy for him...

i have seen it. and he has experienced it.

it was just a few years back...

class 12th... a below average percentage...

medical entrances... no result... years dropped... no result....

with a heavy heart and painful start he had embarked on his BE in the far south... Chennai.. in some obscure university.

Spendin days away from family and doin a course (biotechnology) which wasnt exactly his choice... 

i guess its all history for him now. 

Hope he has a really great time ahead in Stanford and then at NTU.

BRO! PROUD OF YOU!

crush

just had a crush for this ammazing 80s hit song..

MLTR - Someday

a must watch - must listen for all who havent heard this...

VELA blog.

been long sice i wrote anything... just having this itch to write.

(aah... may be i should bath a lil more frequently)

I:  so here it goes...

ME: goes what?... you havent contemplated yet...!!!

I: mmm.. lets write bout life.

Me: life what?

I: Yehi! normal... how life is going... and what heppened this week stuff...

Me: Ab ye bakwas hi karni thee to blog ka kya matlab... it has to be meaningful yaar!

I: chal! chal! rondu ab kuch meaningful likhega... lol....

I & ME:

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Life has been turning out real smooth. I have made peace with my results and my crap percentage... (which exactly means that i have convinced myself that am better than all the 80 percenters and the programmers and the DCE IT batch ppl and DCE ppl .. et al... ed infinitum). I have also been goin for a bit of pleasent sightseeing (Dates???...  who knows). Gaming is goin on just fine...Birthday treats with booze... Movie shows at night... music at CVR 207 blarin out loud.... No exams at sight... lifes good. i tell you, it is.

But that also reminds me of how life is also going to screw me in a few weeks from now...

NO padhai = End sem mein phat jayegi.

NO CAT padhai = MBA entrance mein phat jayegi.

NO Revision of old sems = Placements mein phat jayegi.

so... i must stop writing the blog and get down studying (of course after watching the movie GOODFELLAS... bahut dino se padi hui hai!)

TADA

:P

Moods

SENTI

Somewhere something is burning. Its searing and it burns and there is smoke… Its choking breathlessness. Results are out...                                                                                                                                  

Its not about marks… I know it was never about em , and never shall it ever be… I know it cause I believe it.  It wont stoop so low as to blame Richa's of our college for my loss. It was never them. It was me.

Its just that I've lost currency.

I've lost my currency. And I feel pain for my loss. A currency that I have every right on. A currency of every hour spent sleepless and every cigarette smoked to concentrate bit more, to cover another chapter. A currency of hard work. Or was there no hard work… just a record of fecklessness, hubris and incompetence…. A life of profligate insanity...  Of hee -hee … haa haa… alas! My rewards mock me!

Its so hard to accept... you are ordinary. Why should it be that hard... When you are nothing but ordinary. Why does this chimera , this  surrealism… of being not the other guy in crowd. I AM ORDINARY. I AM HUMAN. I AM THE OTHER GUY IN CROWD. I AM CROWD.

 

 

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ANGRY

F*** you R*** gupta! teri to ! And burn in hell... you Ritesh! F*** DCE faculty! and DCE... F*** the system! F*** hostel! F*** me!

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HAPPY

Sahi hai jee! hawa mein ud rha tha ek sem mein 80 gaye... ab padhai karunga... lol

vaise bhi kaun sa marka le kar duniya se jaunga... khalee haath aaye the jee khalee haath jaana hai jee... marks to bas moh maaya hai jee...

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Ps. I should join military… shouldn’t i? where life is pride and death an honor… even for ordinary people like me...